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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby TisILeclerc » 9:25 pm

And speaking of 'cnoc' which of course means hill.

It's pronounced 'crock'.

So when you are chasing a leprechaun who's trying to hide his crock of gold, don't look for a pot. It's in the hill in front of you.
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby Mick Harper » 1:35 am

Ugarit is where they found the Amarna Letters. There is also a well-known Middle Eastern TV station that broadcasts from Ugarit. Maybe they are always on the lookout for locally-sourced material.
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby Boreades » 8:53 pm

Round up the usual suspects.

New series. An investigation into how recent archaeological finds on the archipelago indicate that Orkney was the cultural capital of Stone Age Britain and the birthplace of the stone circle cult. Chris Packham uncovers the secrets revealed by the DNA of Orkney's unique vole, Neil Oliver explores tombs and monuments, Shini Somara experiments to discover how ancient Orcadians could have moved giant blocks of stone over rough ground, and Andy Torbet climbs a challenging sea-stack to unlock the story of Orkney's unusual geology.


BBC2 tonight 21:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b087vh70
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby Boreades » 3:57 pm

Alban Eilir Alert

Tra la la.
The Spring Equinox is almost upon us.
https://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/seasons.html?n=136

We will soon have a seasonal influx of Druids and assorted travellers, keen to enjoy the megalithic thrills of Avebury etc.

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave, M'Lady Boreades, the Boreadettes and the new puppy are all getting frisky.

I better prepare a new batch of the prize-winning Chateau Boreades Single Malt Mead Cider. It's a bit like Peckham Spring Water, except this comes from a closely-guarded family secret recipe.

Listen very carefully Tisi, I shall say this only once. We must prepare a six-pack of Lidl's finest cheapest two-litre bottles of dry cider, plus the left-over scrapings from the beehives and some mixed herbs and spices. And a few dead bees to put the sting in the tale.
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby TisILeclerc » 5:29 pm

You could call it Peckham Rye no doubt.

Speaking of which I see that the enterprising moonshiners on the Isle of Harris are now selling their home produced gin while they wait for the single malt to mature.

http://www.harrisdistillery.com/shop/gin

Just read their tasting notes. They haven't missed a trick. I like the way they casually mention 'the unique inclusion of sugar kelp'. In other words nobody else puts seaweed in their gin but we do.

You could be selling your concoctions to the druids as they sail past on their way to check if the sun is going to come up or not. 'The unique inclusion of mistletoe, acorns, and aconite make this a uniquely refreshing beverage.'
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby Boreades » 10:26 pm

TisILeclerc wrote:You could call it Peckham Rye no doubt...
'The unique inclusion of mistletoe, acorns, and aconite make this a uniquely refreshing beverage.'


Oi, have you been peeking at the ingredients?

Actually, we were tempted to take inspiration from Endeavour Series 4 Episode 2. Morse went on an involuntary trip. Someone slipped him a herbal LSD substitute. A mixture of henbane, mandrake and jimson weed.

Olde-worlde farmers used to use all sorts of additives to give their cider some "body". Usually dead birds, rats and squirrels. M'Lady doesn't approve of that kind of thing. Especially the squirrels. It means more work with the labelling on the bottles to keep Elf'n'Safty happy.

"Warning. This product may contain nuts".
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby TisILeclerc » 11:08 pm

Marinate the squirrels in your hooch. Makes a wonderful casserole.

https://tasteofgame.org.uk/squirrel_casserole/

In fact there is a national movement to get rid of grey squirrels to such an extent that squirrel hunters are moving south for the essential ingredients for squirrel pies.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment ... pie-demand

It's in the Grauniad so it must be a worthwhile cause.

This is a red squirrel which is not on the menu.

Image

https://www.theguardian.com/environment ... rels#img-2

Unlike these four. Not the bloke holding them.

Image

https://www.theguardian.com/environment ... /squirrels
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby Boreades » 12:08 pm

Naughty Nuns, or no sex in Essex?

They were held up as paragons of virtue, but one congregation of Essex nuns appear to have needed some pointers on how to conduct themselves.

In a book of advice for the cloistered women written more than 1,300 years ago, they were reminded of the benefits of virginity, warned of the sin of pride, and cautioned against wearing garments which “set off” the body.

The guidance came from the Anglo-Saxon cleric Aldhelm in a text dedicated to the abbess nuns of Barking Abbey, the oldest surviving version of which is now up for sale.

In the work, De Laude Virginitatis [In Praise of Virginity], the author tells the nuns that abstinence from sex is not enough - their “stainlessness of bodily virginity” must be accompanied by a “chastity of the spirit” if they are to avoid the “untamed impulses of bodily wantonness”.

Addressing the issue of clothing, he writes: “If you dress yourself sumptuously and go out in public so as to attract notice, if you rivet the eyes of young men to you and draw the sighs of adolescents after you, and nourish the fires of sexual anticipation ... you cannot be excused as if you were of a chaste and modest mind.”


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/history/9335 ... -book.html
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby hvered » 3:49 pm

Naughty Nuns, or no sex in Essex?

Didn't anyone notice the abbey is dated 666 AD?

The four pages up for auction at Sotheby’s next month are inscribed on vellum - high quality parchment made from sheep skin or calf hide – from a copy of the book produced in around 800AD, and believed to have been owned at one stage by St Dunstan, a tenth-century Archbishop of Canterbury. They are expected to fetch £500,000.

Some poor sap is going to be fleeced. Human, I mean.
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Re: Every forum needs a Humour Section...

Postby hvered » 3:52 pm

Blimey, it's worse than I'd thought

the bifolium from a copy of Aldhelm, De Laude Virginitatis, written c. 800, which sold in the Schøyen sale in 2012 for £340,000).

http://www.dreweatts.com/cms/pages/timothy-bolton/
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